We’ve all been there. We went home for the holidays, hoping for peace, joy and fun. Well, some people just hope for peace. You know who you are. It can be painful to go home and return to a situation where you are treated like a child or to accept disrespectful behavior, such as curse, aggression and control, because this is the norm in your family. So what should you do? Read on for three important tips on making the most of your collection.
First, see the reason for going home for the holidays.
- Because you feel obliged?
- Have you always done it?
- Are you afraid of hurting someone’s feelings?
If you are going home because you love your family and want to express and receive their love – then go for it and make it your top priority. This is actually the number one tip. Set your intention to remain in love and accept yourself and everyone else. Hey for you!
If you feel obligated, go even deeper. Ask yourself who you owe and why? Do you have a hidden motive? (Wishing someone to change). This is not the highest point to start your journey on. In fact, it can make you at least frustrated or distressed in a relationship.
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Do you consciously make the decision to go home because you are an adult and make decisions for yourself now, or do you unknowingly fall into the role you play, which you have always played in your family?
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Whatever you do – don’t be a victim. Tip # 2.
You have a choice, whether you have invented a story about it or not. You can change your role in your family at any time. It takes some work and adjustment from the people in your family who expect you to be and act in a certain way. But it’s worth it!
If you are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings than I ask you to ask if you are more interested in someone other than yourself and how does that work for you?
I remember a woman who attended one of my workshops years ago, telling me that her son-in-law was abusive, but every year she goes home for vacations and stays with her and her sister because she feels that she will make her sister to be angry if she wasn’t. What? He was abusing her (and we are talking both physically and emotionally) and she made the decision to stay there and put herself in this situation year after year. I call it – abuse of self. The reason he gave me was that it was too expensive to rent a motel room nearby. Just ten minutes later we were unwinding that there was another choice. He could stay with his aunt. Tip # 3: Be honest with yourself, because in that honesty you will find the most self-respecting solution. It’s hard to break a model, but isn’t it worth it?
Being true to yourself is the answer. You owe it to yourself to receive reality and take action from this place of self-confidence.